The child does not obey, what to do? What to do if the child does not listen to the nanny The child does not listen to the nanny.
The work of a nanny is very specific, and not everyone succeeds in immediately finding an approach to a 3- or 4-year-old child. Only real super nannies from the doorstep of the house can affectionately communicate with the baby, as if they have known each other for more than one day. This profession requires not only experience, but also the ability to analyze the psychology of the child well, to be able to properly build communication with him. After all, if there is no relationship between the nanny and the baby, then there can be no talk of fruitful work, development.
The baby can show his displeasure in different ways:
Disobedience;
whims;
tears;
refusal to eat.
In such a situation, the nanny can raise her voice to the child, put him in a corner, but in no case use physical force, no matter how uncontrollable the baby is. Parents can take the side of the nanny and approve all her actions, because they know that their child is very spoiled and requires strict discipline, and the nanny is a very good and professional person. However, often moms and dads are outraged by the raising of the nanny's voice to their crumbs, and without understanding the reasons, they are looking for a new nanny. You can change the second, third nanny, but the child will not be able to find peaceful contact with anyone. Perhaps the main reason lies not in the professionalism of the nanny, but in the discipline of the child? If the baby was spoiled in early age, and everything was allowed to him, then what should be expected at the age of 4-5 years, when the child begins to realize himself as a person.
To achieve full harmony in the relationship between the nanny and the child, the active participants should be: the child himself, the nanny and the parents. Here are some tips:
If parents in the actions of the nanny see the right tactics of education, then you should not put your own “spokes in the wheels”. The development and upbringing of the child should take place in one direction;
it is important to clearly set specific tasks and goals for the child, notifying them in advance, and explain the purpose of such actions;
for a child to become independent, there is no need to interfere with him in his first endeavors;
talk. The child needs not only to be heard, to enter into his position, but also to constantly talk with him: perhaps a lack of attention, dryness in relationships and provokes his bad behavior. From time to time, you can also use encouragement tactics if the child did an excellent job with his task. Excessive severity can lead to psychological disorders of the baby.
It is important to reach the point where the child does not have fear and disrespect for the nanny. In this case, the parents will be calm, knowing that their baby is in safe hands, and it will be much easier for the nanny to cope with their duties.
Both parents and nannies are faced with a not entirely pleasant situation when the child simply does not obey and it is not clear what to do.
Neither, nor, nor attempts to calm him down help.
In order to find out what exactly is happening and to understand why the baby does not want to obey, it is necessary to find out the reasons for his such behavior. Only after that it will be possible to find a way out of the situation and help not only yourself, but also the child.
The child does not obey - then there are reasons
- First of all, this is due to the age of the child. One stage of development gradually passes into another stage. The child becomes much more developed, acquires new skills, abilities, abilities. At this moment, he needs your support, understanding and attention. Such periods are divided into several stages.
- When a child is a year old, he wants to walk, eat and play on his own, but he does not succeed. He asks for your help and immediately refuses it, with a scandal, because he wants to do it himself. What to do? Support when walking neatly, imperceptibly, praise for independence.
. A child of seven years. Well, everything is clear here. School life begins, new people, experiences of the conditions and rules of life.
. And, of course, adolescence. These are children aged 11-13 and 16-17. At this age, the child wants to be an adult, but still understands little of the consequences of such growing up. During this period, you need to support your children. Try to help them. Restrain your emotions and do not scold for any reason and without it. Make it clear what is good and what is bad.
The next reason is too many requirements. When parents begin to use this approach to children, they experience additional stress and fear. The child falls into despair and constantly lies and keeps silent. In such cases, you need to study your child. You don't have to make him the one you want to see. Try to find another way to influence him.
Another reason is the sudden severity. When you look at the pranks of a child through your fingers, and then abruptly begin to play a strict parent, then such a sudden impulse of yours causes a protest in the child. In this case, you need to control your emotions, try to continue to monitor his behavior and explain what needs to be done and what is not worth it.
There are still different reasons associated with the disobedience of children, but the main thing is that each parent must first of all control their actions in relation to the baby, and only then try to correct the consequences of improper upbringing.
Also read,
Each child is individual: it is very easy and simple to find a common language with one, and a peculiar approach is required for another. The work of a nanny is quite hard work, which requires not only experience and the necessary qualifications, but also the ability to find a common language with children.
A nanny for a child is an adult, for whom a child's worldview is often alien. In case of disobedience of the baby, the teacher can often raise her voice, because she cannot find another way to cope with the uncontrollable child. Very often, even caring mothers and fathers do not look for the cause of the baby’s bad behavior, but immediately begin to actively fight the behavior. Why is it sometimes so difficult to influence a child's discipline? Why is it so difficult for many children to teach order and discipline?
It should be remembered that at the age of four or five years, the baby is already beginning to realize himself as a person and understand that he can make some decisions on his own. For example, everyone has experienced such a situation when you ask a child to stop playing because it is lunch time, and he continues to fiddle with the designer. You again call the baby, and he says “good”, but does not change anything in his actions. This behavior is very easy to explain. The child, feeling in himself a person with his desires and aspirations, begins to resist the authority of an adult, as well as a nanny. In such a situation, you should not worry and be nervous, since manipulation is a favorite pastime for kindergarten children. An experienced and understanding nanny should make sure that the baby begins to cooperate with her, and not to conflict.
To achieve harmony in the relationship between the nanny and the baby, you can use a few practical tips:
- It is better if you set clear goals for your child. For example, if you want him to clear the table, then explain what exactly these items should be. The baby should not have any questions. Reduce the child's tasks to two or three actions that need to be completed.
- Children need encouragement. If the baby has shown a desire to help you or is doing something on his own, then be sure to praise the child. Praise can be a kind of incentive for the crumbs, thanks to it you will quickly achieve the desired result. You can motivate the child, for example, when he puts away his toys, then you will go to the park to feed the pigeons. The kid should do everything on their own.
- If the nanny wants the child to become more independent, then you need to help him with this. For example, you want the baby to start dressing himself outside, then first put the pupil’s things on a small chair and see how the baby will cope with his tasks.
- It happens that the child played too much and does not hear anything that the nanny says to him. A well-tested method is a kind of "time out" game. You must take the baby in your arms and put him on a sofa or chair, saying these two words out loud. The kid will switch and be distracted from the previous lesson.
- In any case, it is necessary to respect the child and always put yourself in his place. Imagine that you are watching your favorite TV show and suddenly your TV is turned off. Of course, you will be outraged. It is best to warn the child in advance that in fifteen minutes he will wash and go to bed or have dinner. The baby should know that he still has a little time left to complete all his work.
Sometimes parents believe that the obedience of the child can be achieved only through excessive severity. However, you must remember that such tactics very often lead to psychological disorders of the baby and are very harmful to the development of the crumbs as a person.
This approach suppresses the activity of the child, leads to the constant execution of someone else's will. An insecure kid will constantly wait for his punishment. The child may begin to behave excessively loose in the company of people who are loyal to him, for example, take out all his anger on his grandmother.
With the help of fear of parents and the nanny, the baby will never learn how to behave correctly in a given situation. The child must draw conclusions and be aware of what can be done and what is not. An experienced and qualified nanny for a child will definitely tell and explain to the baby how to behave.
It often happens that the nanny, like the parents, ascribes selfishness and disobedience to the baby in those cases where he is not to blame, because due to his age he still does not understand the requirements that are presented to him. Thus, the struggle with the bad manners of the baby begins, without any attempt to understand what is behind it. That is, the adults around the child try to correct his incorrect behavior, not knowing the reason. Let's talk about why kids sometimes don't want to obey.
Consider the following situation as an example. The nanny tells the kid to remove the album and paints from the table, because she has prepared dinner for him. The kid continues to draw. The nanny repeats the request again, and the kid says to her, “I’ll be right back!”, while he continues to draw. Why does he not pay attention to the nanny and ignore her request?
There is a correct explanation for this behavior. The kid has already reached the age when he can express his opinion and make decisions on his own. By the age of five, he already feels himself a formed personality. It is quite natural that he opposes adults. The kid is not naughty, but only chooses a different tactic. He will continue to hesitate to answer or pretend that he does not hear you. You don't have to take it too personally. After all, all children preschool age manipulate adults to achieve the desired result. In this case, the task of adults is to force the baby to cooperate, but at the same time not to interfere with the manifestation of individuality.
Several solutions to the problem can be proposed.
Option one.
The nanny should set clear tasks for the baby. You should not say: "Quickly clear everything off the table." After all, this request is general and the baby can remove only some items. However, if you tell him: “Put the album on the bookshelf, and carefully put the paints and pencils in the desk drawer,” then the baby will understand what exactly he should do. If possible, it is desirable to simplify requests and wishes.
Option two.
Try to encourage the baby more often. After all, all the guys love it when adults praise them. Therefore, this will help you achieve the obedience of the baby. Sometimes you can say this: "When you put the drawings and felt-tip pens in the drawer, we can play in the sandbox." Please note that it is necessary to say not “if you remove it”, but “when you remove it”. Otherwise, the request will look like a demand, and the nanny should teach the child to comply with the requests of the elders not out of fear, but of their own free will.
Option three.
A nanny should definitely help the baby become more independent. For example, if she wants the child to start dressing on his own for a walk, you need to fold the clothes on a small table, and put a chair and shoes next to it. If you remove everything from the hanger at the last moment, then the baby will not have the opportunity to take the initiative.
Option four.
There are times when it is necessary to show rigidity and make it clear to the baby that it is necessary to stop. For example, a child is so naughty that he cannot stop. In this situation, the nanny can say loudly: “time out”, take the child in her arms and put her on a chair. As a rule, this works well. In this case, it is not necessary to portray severity or raise your voice.
Option five.
Everyone should know it - both the nanny and the parents. Respect the baby. Imagine yourself in the following situation: you are doing something very important, and then someone close begins to demand something. You won't like it. Therefore, warn the child in advance that it is time to have dinner or go to bed. The kid will have the opportunity to finish his favorite game. If, however, he does not obey, gently take his hand and take him to the kitchen or bedroom.
Sometimes adults think that kids do not obey them because of permissiveness and spoiledness. Therefore, they try to achieve obedience by exactingness. However, excessive exactingness hinders the harmonious development of the child.
First of all, it suppresses the independence and activity of the baby, turning him into a robot that automatically fulfills the will of others. It is sad to see a child who is tense all the time in anticipation of a demand or punishment.
Secondly, such obedience is imposed, forced, and in other conditions, without the control of elders, it can quickly turn into the complete opposite - turn into disinhibition and impulsiveness.
Both mom and dad and the nanny must take into account that punishments, orders and fear, of course, can achieve complete obedience, but you can’t teach a baby to control his behavior. An important quality of personality is the arbitrariness of behavior. The main feature of this behavior should be awareness.
- "My child doesn't love me." Blame someone else
- "Everything that happens is perfectly normal." It's nobody's fault!
- Next to the mother, the child feels like ... a child!
- Baby feels safe next to mom
- Next to the mother, the child does not know who to focus on
“A wonderful girl: smart, calm, and what an obedient!” - the teacher praised the daughter kindergarten. At the same time, the smart, calm and obedient girl sniffed noisily, which marked the beginning of a terrible transformation: from a tiny blond angel into a horror flying on the wings of night.
“Yes, yes, she is exactly like that,” I nodded in agreement, wondering: what forces make a child behave badly at home and instantly turn into a sweet baby doll in kindergarten?
As it turned out, the situation when a child does not obey his mother and behaves ideally with strangers is by no means uncommon ...
Mom is not to blame!
A mother who cannot calm down her own child (she is forced to speak with him in a raised voice, or even punish him, calling for order), is rather disappointing to find that a grandmother, a nanny, a teacher achieve the same effortlessly. As a rule, the following thoughts visit her.
"My child doesn't love me." Someone else is to blame.
The grandmother, the teacher, the nanny is to blame for this, of course - it was she who treacherously took the place in the heart of the child, intended for the mother.
"I am a useless mother." It's all my fault.
If Maryivanna succeeds, but not mine, then Maryivanna knows the magic words that appear in the head of every woman at the same time as the birth of a child. If I can't do it, then something is wrong with me.
Unfortunately, responsible mothers rarely consider the third, the only true option.
"Everything that happens is perfectly normal." It's nobody's fault!
Such behavior is indeed completely normal and indicates that the child is gradually adapting to society: from simple recognition of “friend or foe”, which is typical for infants, it moves to different models of behavior, depending on how close one or another adult is to him.
But still, why does he indulge and misbehave with his mother?
Next to the mother, the child feels like ... a child!
Usually parents mentally prepare for the crisis of 1 year, the crisis of 3 years and the urgent demands of independence, autonomy and sovereignty. However, there are quite a few kids who do not at all strive for “self-determination”, on the contrary, for peace of mind and peace of mind, it is important for them to consolidate the status of the smallest, defenseless, in need of care. Because of this, a child can abruptly “lose” long-established skills at home, for example, “forget how” to dress or eat with a spoon. And remember, this is not a whim and not pampering!
” There are many reasons for this behavior: both serious stress (divorce or death of one of the parents), and childish jealousy (the birth of a younger brother or sister), the mother’s desire to force the development of a child for which he is not ready, and finally, some babies just develop on their own somewhat slower than their peers and are not yet ready to distance themselves from their mother.
What to do? Nothing to do. If you do not notice warning signs (“bad behavior” is shown only to the mother, but this does not become part of the degradation process, which indicates a disease), then the temporary “falling into infancy” should be treated calmly and patiently. The child will outgrow it, having received the necessary amount of your attention.
Baby feels safe next to mom
When do we, adults, allow ourselves to be capricious and fool around? At home, surrounded by loved ones, when we feel comfortable and relaxed. It is unlikely that we will behave like this at a meeting with business partners or at a reception with an official ... So a child perceives a teacher or a visiting nanny as “officials”, and tries to behave accordingly - like a diplomat in complex political negotiations. Not a thoughtless gesture, not a word in simplicity - suddenly where you make a mistake ... But with your mother you can relieve yourself of all this nervous tension and throw out everything that has accumulated during the day.
” The good news is that your child loves you and trusts you completely. The bad news is no, you can’t live in such a rhythm. This is not good for anyone, not even Minister Lavrov.
What to do? Take a closer look at the nanny, at the kindergarten group, and at the orders that are established at grandma's house. Ask yourself: is your child comfortable there? What can be done to make him feel calm and safe there? Maybe. The answer will have to be sought with a psychologist.
Next to mom, the child copies her behavior
Finally, there is one more reason why children “break loose” when they are alone with their mother. Mom and herself, let's say, are not a model of calmness! Yes, perhaps you don’t paint the next trick of a scoundrel colleague or a tyrant boss in colors for a child. But if you have not yet moved away from the working conflict and everything is seething and bubbling inside you, if you are still scrolling through the day's conversation in your head (and the witty remarks that you should have uttered in response to comments, but, for some reason, did not utter) , then ... then even "Turnip" and "Rocked Hen" in your performance will make the same impression on the child as a thriller with fights and chases.
” Many babies are so sensitive that they “mirror” even their mother’s carefully hidden emotions, reading them no worse than professional psychologists by involuntary facial expressions.
What to do? Take care of yourself. Relax. Get enough sleep. Go to the hairdresser. Master auto-training in order to be able to switch off from the most difficult and unpleasant problems, although for the time that you spend with your child.
Next to the mother, the child does not know who to focus on
Another common situation: a child behaves well with his grandmother, has a great time with his mother, but as soon as the three of them are at the same time and in the same place, the baby begins to make trouble and act up. This situation is especially unpleasant because the mother may receive unfair reproaches from the grandmother: “Wonderful child, we had a great time, but you came, and everything became bad. Obviously, you do not know how to handle a child, see how you should ... "
” Perhaps the child simply feels in a logical impasse. He knows that mom needs to listen and behave in a certain way. But Mom just handed over to Grandma, telling her to listen to her and behave! Feeling “under double control”, especially if mother and grandmother give contradictory instructions (“you will definitely finish the porridge to the end - no, if you don’t want to, then don’t eat!”), the child does not know who to listen to, and eventually does not listen to anyone .
What to do? Avoid situations of "double control" until the child gets used to the family hierarchy. For example, if you regularly leave your baby with a nanny, aunt, grandmother, make the transfer procedure simple and quick. They came, said goodbye to the child, left on business! If you live and raise a baby with your grandmother, then clearly agree on a common position on all, even the most insignificant issues.
What else can be done
The sooner you introduce your child to his emotions, teach them to recognize them, the sooner he will learn to manage them. Tell the child what exactly is happening to him (“I think you are tired ...”, “I see that you are offended”), demonstrate that you understand and share his feelings, and finally explain how to deal with them. Maintain a calm and friendly attitude, even if the child's behavior does not meet your expectations.
And remember: your child does not set out to make you angry or upset, so there is no point in being angry or offended by the baby yourself. He loves you, he really does!
