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Why a child of 5 years is lying. What to do if a child is lying: reasons, methods of education, advice from psychologists

When faced with the lies of children for the first time, parents ask a natural question: how to wean a child from lying? The fact of children's lies causes us sincere bewilderment: after all, from an early age we teach children that it is not good to lie! Why did the child begin to lie? Has the upbringing been in vain? And most importantly - what to do now? Let's figure out what a child's lie is: a parental fiasco, the bad influence of peers, or just a natural stage of growing up - and what parents should do in such a situation.

Why do children lie?

First of all, it is worth recalling the definition of a lie - a deliberate distortion of the truth. Lies are always conscious, so before accusing the offspring of lying, you must be sure that he lied deliberately. The duty of parents is to distinguish when the child is lying and when he is mistaken. Lies are not necessarily contained in words - silence can be no less deceitful. To the question "who ate the candy?" - the kid replies: “The cat did it” - or just shyly silent and looks away. Many parents believe that if a child has not told a lie out loud, he has not lied. This is not true. You can distort the truth with a word, silence, and even action.

So, you have established that the child is lying. Why does he do it? There are many reasons why children lie.

1. Lies for personal gain. This is the most unpleasant type of children's lies, because here lies are a tool for achieving a selfish goal. The kid knows for sure that he will have to lie, no external circumstances put pressure on him; he makes the rational choice to lie. There may be several reasons. Gaps in education - the baby does not consider it shameful to tell a lie. A bad example - children often imitate their parents and everyone they respect. Psychopathy is a congenital lack of empathy and an inability to internalize moral norms.
2. Fear of punishment. The most common form of childish lying. Children do not yet have a sufficient level of self-discipline, and it is not easy for them to avoid some temptations. But then, when the deed is done and the ban is violated, fear comes. The baby understands that he did badly, is afraid of punishment, and fear simply outweighs the inner attitude to tell the truth.
3. Fear of humiliation. Self-esteem is inherent in the smallest. The boy knows that he will not be punished if they find out that he was crying in pain when he seated his knee. But my father said that men don't cry! And now the child is lying so as not to drop his authority in the eyes of his father. It is very important for children to be treated with respect.
4. Bragging. This is a lie to raise status in the group. The kid exaggerates his own achievements or the achievements of his family, or even comes up with fables that put him in a good light. If a child boasts, this is a sign for parents - the braggart is dissatisfied with something in himself or his family, he is shy about something.
5. Lies in self-defense or in defense of comrades. Parents will have to make a difficult choice - whether to teach children to always tell the truth, or to tell the baby that in certain cases it is acceptable to lie. If lying is a means of saving life or health, it is acceptable.
6. Lies to test your abilities. Young children tend to experiment, to observe the reaction of adults and peers. Lying can be driven by curiosity to see what happens. If the baby does not yet know that lying is bad, he will almost certainly experience the so-called "delight of deception" - a feeling of his own strength, the ability to influence others through lies. Therefore, it is important not to indulge even the smallest prankster in his "innocent pranks", but immediately clearly explain what is good and what is bad.
7. Lies to get attention. Perhaps the child is lying because he sees no other way to get the attention of his parents. This is especially common in families after the birth of a second baby. The firstborn may feel abandoned and will do whatever it takes to get their parents' attention back.

Advice

In an effort to raise children, honest parents do not need to go too far. There is the concept of social role - those behaviors that we adhere to in order to meet social standards. In a certain sense, these roles are deceitful - they force us to do what we do not want, to hide real feelings and thoughts. However, it is a necessary part of the social order. Imagine what happens if children never hide their thoughts:

- How do you like borscht, granddaughter?

“Disgusting, grandma, to pour it down the toilet.”

- Why are you distracted, are you not interested in the lesson?

- Yes, Maria Vasilievna, the lesson is terrible. Yes, I don't like you either.

How to wean a child to lie?

There is no single answer to the question of how to wean a child from lying - each situation is individual. What is certain is that the first step of a parent who wants to wean children from lying is to understand the reason.

• If you suddenly realize that the child is constantly lying for selfish purposes and does not repent of it in the slightest, you need to be guided by the principle of "do no harm." If this is due to gaps in education, a sharp change in moral course will lead to rebellion. “How is it, before it was possible, but now suddenly it’s impossible?”
• If a lie is the result of a bad example, a simple moralizing also cannot get rid of. Especially if the bad example comes from the parents themselves. Trying to get a child to stop lying when he knows that you yourself are lying will be perceived as unfair. In this case, in order to wean the child from lying, the parents will have to unlearn to lie themselves, perhaps even change their usual way of life. In such situations, the help of a qualified psychologist may be required.

In the other cases described, everything is relatively simpler. If a child lies for fear of punishment or humiliation, boasts, experiments, or attracts attention, the main remedy is a confidential conversation. Parents are the closest people for children, and a lie is a heavy burden on the conscience. Explain to the child that in no case will you love him less or punish him if he himself admits to a misconduct. When he confesses, calmly discuss why what the kid did was wrong. Be sure to let him tell you what to do. Give the child the opportunity to think for himself what to do to correct what he has done, or at least offer solutions. In this case, he will perceive it not as a punishment, but as atonement. It is very important to convey to the little person that mistakes need to be corrected, and not hidden from them.

Also, do not forget about preventive measures - read fairy tales, tell stories from life, come up with stories in which it will be shown with illustrative examples why it is impossible to lie. And, of course, parents themselves should be an example for their children.

Parents, educators, teachers, neighbors, books and cartoons tell children that it is not good to lie, you need to be honest. Why does the child still keep silent about something, hide something, do forbidden things on the sly, or, looking directly into the eyes, give deliberately incorrect information?

1. Children are very impulsive, they live in the here and now, it is very difficult for them to hold back from getting what they want at the moment. This is due to the lack of formation of certain areas of the brain. Often they do not even have time to think whether they can now take something, do it or not, they act spontaneously.

But what do they then hear from their parents? “Why did you take it without permission?”, “What have you done? What a horror!”, “Don’t you dare do it again! If you do it, I’ll punish you!”, “Shame on you!”, “You upset me very much.”

As a result, the child is ashamed, accused, frightened. But all because of the same features of the development of the child's brain and the lack of certain neural connections, the next time he will do something similar again, no matter how much he wants to continue to act differently. But in order to avoid punishment and not upset his parents, he will most likely prefer to hide or lie about it.

1. Children look up to their elders and really want to be like them - bigger, faster, smarter, more influential, etc. Since this is not possible right now, they have to fantasize and imagine that they already are. Therefore, they like to embellish reality or tell something that actually did not happen.
2. Of course, if a child sees adults lying, he will do the same. Some parents themselves teach the child to lie when they ask him to hide something from the younger or tell a lie to the caregiver or teacher. His same behavior towards parents and other people is not something surprising and outrageous, but quite a natural phenomenon.
3. Another reason for lying is protest, resistance to the influence of adults, their pressure and control. In such a situation, the questions of parents, once again checking whether the child brushed his teeth, whether he did his homework, whether he removed the toys, the children answer lies. Thus, they expand their borders and, as it were, inform that this is their territory, there is no need to climb here.
4. Also, children can invent all sorts of fables and play pranks in order to attract attention to themselves.

As you can see, children do not lie out of bad intentions - this is how they adapt to the conditions in which they find themselves.

What to do if the child is lying?

The most important thing is to establish a trusting relationship with him. To do this, you first need refuse punishment, intimidation, accusations and humiliation. Pay more attention to what your child is doing well. Let your child know that you will not scold and punish him for misconduct and try to really treat them more calmly.

Explain what consequences his actions can lead to (when people deceive, they stop believing). Tell me about your experience and feelings, about how unpleasant it is for you to be told a lie, and how it is for you honesty matters and why.

At harmless fantasies the child can join him and turn it into a game that can have a therapeutic effect - living in the imagination what he dreams of, the child forms a positive image of himself, feels confident and satisfied with his life.

If you feel from a child a lot of resistance, then you should pay attention to whether you are strangling him with your excessive control. Give him more room to make his own choices and get his own consequences, let him express himself. And make sure that if you need help, he can count on you.

remember, that kids don't lie out of malice, they have some reason for this, and they need to deal with it. And, of course, talk more often about how you love him and will always love him, no matter how he behaves.

Last but not least, don't forget your personal example! You need to be very attentive to your promises: give them only when you are sure that you can fulfill, and be sure to keep your word. speak the truth children and in front of children, make honesty your value, make sure that your actions match your words and admit your mistakes.

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Children's lies. To us adults, she seems so simple and naive. But the reasons that a child begins to lie to parents cannot be called harmless or insignificant. Does your child fantasize and pass these fantasies off as reality? Or is he telling a lie, trying to hide some of his actions and deeds from your vigilant attention? How to wean a child to lie? Do not rush to expose the little one and punish. After all, if we approach the problem from the point of view of psychologists, then, rather, educational work should be carried out, first, with the parents themselves. So that they do not mistakenly start to fight the investigation, which, in essence, lies are. But we tried to understand the reasons that prompt children to resort to such an unpopular way out of situations that are uncomfortable for them.

Children lie to their parents because for some reason they feel uncomfortable in their world.

• It is a balm for spiritual wounds.
• This is an internal conflict that has found a way out.
• This is a lifeline in a seemingly hopeless situation.

And what is a child's lie for parents?

• This is a distress signal.
• This is a call for help.
• This is an indicator that in the world of your beloved baby, not everything is as good as it might seem at first glance.

No matter how sad it may sound to you, the fact that the baby began to lie to you speaks of a crisis of confidence in your relationship. And it is you, the parents, who need to look for ways out of this crisis, as more experienced, balanced, authoritative.

Children lie when they stop trusting their loved ones.

Do not rush to expose the baby in a lie and scold him for it. Try to understand why the crumbs had a need to tell you a lie. After all, often, the reasons for children's lies are not at all those that are visible to you on a superficial examination.

You will not find a single recipe for solving this problem. Everyone will have their own. Depending on the problems of mutual understanding that have arisen between you and your child.

A crisis of trust between parents and children occurs when the older generation chooses the wrong model of relationships and not quite the right tactics for raising their children.

The kid will not lie to you if his life flows calmly and measuredly, if everything is in order with him. And do not think that he allows himself to tell you a lie, because the little one does not love and respect you.

Try to understand what is really behind his lies. What kind of need is the baby trying to satisfy in this way. This will be the answer to the question: "How to wean a child from lying?".

Children lie when they are afraid of punishment and censure

Why do children tell lies?

Any parent tries to give his baby all the best, tries to pass on his experience and his life wisdom to him, puts a piece of his soul into his beloved “blood”. But something, for all that, moms and dads, nevertheless, do not do it right. I wonder what it could be?

What are the reasons why, sooner or later, our children begin to tell us lies?

1. Too strict. If you punish the little one for the offenses he has committed, then you should not be surprised that the baby is lying to you, trying to avoid another censure for what he has done.
2. A game of feelings. If you defiantly get upset, grab your heart, blame the child for your poor health after his pranks or bad grades, you yourself provoke him to hide his mistakes in every possible way so as not to upset you.
3. Lack of attention. If the kid invents and tells everyone who is ready to listen to him stories about a happy family, about how his parents love him, how attentive to him, then maybe it’s all that he really lacks. And he plays pranks and lies only in order to attract your attention, which he so lacks.
4. Inferiority complex. The baby may be dissatisfied with himself. This happens when parents often criticize him, thereby developing an inferiority complex in a small person. A lie in this case is an attempt to change, to embellish a not too rosy reality. Be worthy of respect and admiration in your own eyes and in the eyes of others.
5. Limitations in expressing emotions . The child is not a robot. He cannot always have the same, certainly good, mood. He can be sad and upset, he can be annoyed and even enraged. And if he is prevented from expressing these emotions and giving them an outlet, he will simply withdraw into himself and begin to lie. For the sake of those who wish to see him always as a cheerful and cheerful toddler to his parents.
6. Fantasy. Dreamers and dreamers are perhaps the cutest and most attractive of all little liars. And such a lie is, rather, a manifestation of creativity and too much. The lies of visionaries are quite harmless if they are understood and directed in the right direction in time. Maybe you have a modern Jules Verne growing in your family or your own, native Jacques Yves Cousteau? ..

Or maybe your baby is not lying, but just fantasizing? Then you need to direct this feature of him in the right direction.

Well, how did you manage to determine its main causes by the nature of the child’s lie? If yes, then you have already gone halfway to eradicating this habit from your baby.

Now the main thing is to draw the right conclusions and diligently work on your own mistakes in.

How to wean a 4-5 year old kid from lying to parents?

It often happens that the child is still quite small, but he has already managed to face your disapproval.

And, afraid to once again see him in your eyes, afraid to lose your love, he, having done something that, as the baby is sure, will entail this very disapproval, uses lies as salvation, as protection. How to prevent lies, whatever their reasons, from becoming a habit, not becoming the norm for a baby?

If the child believes in your kind attitude towards him, he will not be afraid to confess his wrongdoing to you.

What should parents do in such circumstances?

1. Sit next to the baby so that your eyes are at the same level.
2. Calmly tell him that you know that the little one lied to you.
3. Ask the baby to tell you the truth, assuring him first that you will not be angry with him, as well as punish him.
4. Be sure to emphasize how much you love the baby. And no matter what he does, you will not love him less.
5. When the child gains confidence in you and tells you the truth, keep your word - do not blame him.
6. Help your little one deal with the situation. Explain what the child did wrong. And be sure to tell us how you should have acted in this situation.
7. Finish the conversation with another assurance that you love him, and are always ready to help the baby in any situation.

Of course, one such conversation is not always enough to fully restore trust.

Growing up, the child tries to protect his personal space from strangers. And he should be allowed to do so. Within reason, of course

What to do if a teenager (7-9 years and older) is cheating?

When children reach adolescence, very often the reason for their lies lies in the desire to create a personal space for themselves, a territory independent of adults, where only the child himself will be the owner.

And your task is to provide this territory to your teenager. Within reason, of course. But to give the child a real feel that he has moved to a new stage of growing up.

Mom and dad understand this. And we are ready to build relationships with him on a new level. But greater independence is not a synonym for permissiveness. Therefore, it is important here to clearly outline the framework of the independence of a teenager at this age stage.

And it is even more important that the child himself agrees with these frameworks. Discuss and be prepared to compromise. You can even sign a contract in writing. An agreement between two parties, when tangible, has great power.

If a teenager is sure that his parents love him, that they act only in the interests of his well-being, that they are always ready to listen, understand and forgive, he will not lie even if some agreements are violated.

Mom and dad, create trusting relationships in the family, become not only mentors, but friends for your child, and he will simply have no reason to tell you a lie!

A child can be honest with his parents

• When he is not afraid of punishment, anger and loss of love of the closest people.
• When he is sure that he will not be humiliated, no matter what happens.
• When he knows that his parents will support him in any situation.
• When you do not skimp on praise and encouragement.
• When there is trust and mutual understanding between you and the child.

And never forget about personal example. How sincere, honest and open you yourself are, so your children will take these qualities from you. Create an atmosphere of harmony and harmony in your family. And then its small members will not seek salvation from adversity and loneliness in a lie ...

Video "How to wean a child to lie?"

“Once I was in a children's camp by the sea. I was 12 then. Next to me were absolutely unfamiliar guys who could tell whatever you wanted. I was pleased to embellish my life a little. My father was an outstanding physicist instead of an ordinary employee of the institute. I turned our odnushka on the outskirts of the city into a huge three-ruble note in the center. The process of lying so fascinated me that I could not stop in any way ”- Sergey told us this story, he is now 35, but he has it before his eyes, as if it were a week ago. “Such writing helped me become more confident, added to my social status, temporarily “improved” my life.”

Sometimes a child lies not out of self-interest or fear, but because of an excess of imagination. He wants to present his life to others more interesting, fabulous, meaningful.

Often, lying helps to solve some of the psychological problems of the child. Changing the world in this way, he learns to understand the internal relationships and laws. By resorting to lies, children are easier to experience difficult moments in life, become more confident and happier.

Reasons for lying

All children lie sooner or later. Some lie more often - often these are insecure children. What do children most often use lies for? Most often, a child lies in order to add “prices” to himself in the eyes of his peers and older people, or to avoid punishment. Under the seemingly superficial manifestations of lies are deep internal problems, the solution of which requires great tact and a special approach from parents. The author of several books on the psychology of children, psychologist Lawrence Kutner names 5 main reasons that form the basis of lies.

Fear of punishment

Often the reason for parental punishment is high expectations for children. Punishment frightens children, they try to "defend themselves" with a lie. five year old baby is not yet able to clean up after himself after dinner or fold the bed neatly without being reminded. Then, to the mother’s question, did the baby clean everything, he replies that everything is in order, although in fact he has not done it yet. Now it is clear why excessive demands on children are harmful - they develop in them the ability to lie. The five-year plan is not yet able to defend its position on its own. The child lies in order to adapt to the conditions of life.

Boosting self-esteem is another common task for liars. Children try to elevate themselves in the eyes of their classmates and get one step higher with the help of deception. For a red word, the kids lie that they met a popular singer or a famous football player the other day. Often in their stories, liars exaggerate about the income and wealth of their parents. Such boasting is quite common, moms and dads don't have to worry about it. If a child is lying more and more often in order to add status to himself, then it is worth discussing this issue with him and finding out what is the reason for such a deception - perhaps his comrades ridicule him or simply do not pay attention to him.

Protest

Too harsh authoritarian regime in the family is another common reason for lying. When a child turns 10-12 years old, he feels that he is subject to the power of his parents and is forced to tell them everything, which means that his task is to start deceiving in order to isolate himself and assert himself.

Setting personal boundaries

As teenagers age, they feel the need for independence. He needs personal space, and parents who try to climb into these personal boundaries receive lies and concealment from their child. The desire to be alone is especially noticeable when the child, in response to an adult's question, lies and accompanies this with rudeness and rudeness.

When a child grows up, he may move somewhat away from his parents and try to delineate the boundaries of his personal life. If mom and dad put pressure on the child, they may receive a lie in response.

Family problems

Regular lies indicate the presence of problems in the family. Lies can be aggravated by theft and vandalism. If a child purposefully wants to spoil the things of loved ones, then he expresses his cry for help, which speaks better than all words. In a family on the verge of divorce, such bursts of aggression are very often noticeable. Stealing something from your parents or spoiling the right thing are ways to unite a collapsing family, to reconcile parents, at least for a short time. The child does this unconsciously, but his needs are clearly expressed in these actions.

When do kids start lying?

• Up to 3-5 years

For the baby, the difference between fiction and reality is not yet obvious. Often he presents his fantasies as a real fact - deception is part of the formation of the psyche. In this case, this is not yet true, but simply fiction. Let the kid dream up enough - this is a great exercise for imagination and creativity.

• 6 to 12 years old

At the age of 6-7, children are able to conduct an internal monologue, where they modify their thoughts, come up with new details. This is the age when they subtly feel the edge: what can be said, what is better to keep silent about, and what things can be conveyed differently. “How to make mom not swear? the child thinks. What will help you earn praise? School-age children begin to lie more and more often and their deceit is more and more difficult to recognize. Sometimes they goad their friends and even adults into participating in their lies, consciously or unconsciously.

A student of 8-11 years old already understands what is fiction and what is reality, he easily maneuvers between truth and lies, conducting original experiments that show his ability to deceive. If a child lies constantly, then this is a signal of serious problems.

About the causes of children's lies and ways to solve this problem, see the video clip of the expert of our portal:

child psychologist
non-medical psychotherapist

What to do if the child is lying?

How should parents react to the manifestation of a lie of a little person: punish him, let him pass by his ears or laugh at his words? We offer some professional advice from experts:

• Trust: any relationship, and even more so between parents and children, is unthinkable without trust. Parents must adhere to the presumption of innocence, i.e. the child is not initially guilty. Do not immediately criticize his statement, listen first.
• laugh together: small lies may well be met with humor - this method is great for kids who are just starting to practice deception, realizing a little that reality and fiction are different things. game form reactions will help smooth out unpleasant lies. For example, little 5-year-old Tanechka said that she had already brushed her teeth and put the paste and brush on the shelf, and her mother saw that all this was thrown into the sink. “How did our toothpaste and brush fly into the sink? It’s not like they grew wings!” Mom's funny remark will be an incentive for Tanya to go and clean everything up.
• Assess the consequences: a child who is just starting to lie deserves to be explained to him in an understandable and accessible form about the dangers of lying. It is worth doing this alone so as not to injure the psyche of the baby with humiliation. In a conversation, mention that each action or word has its own result, a response, that this result may not always be positive. This method will help the baby understand the connection between the present and the future, wean him to deceive.

Laughter is the best therapy and The best way convergence. If the child lied in a trifle, it is better for the mother to turn everything into a joke, but make it clear that she noticed the lie

Punishment proportionate to the offense

If you ask a 5-9-year-old kid what will happen if you tell a lie, then in most cases you will hear in response that he will be punished - the main deterrent at this age. The kid is not yet aware of the consequences of his lies (friends will stop believing, problems will begin at school). If the lie was serious, then the child should certainly be punished. Reinforcing our words with actions, we will help the preschooler to establish cause-and-effect relationships. If we explained before that every action or word will have its consequences, but we ourselves did not show due firmness in this matter, then the child will understand that everything can be done, because there are no consequences. Punishment should be commensurate with the depth of guilt. Deprivation of pleasure or entertainment can be chosen as punishments, but moments important for children's health and development should not be canceled.

Don't dramatize

The spoken lie is not something supernatural. Every person at least once in his life "tasted" a lie to taste. The pathological tendency to lie, which should be analyzed and “treated” by adults, always has other additional manifestations next to it. An agitated child does not aim for profit or a desire to avoid punishment - often such children run away from home or are the instigators of conflicts at school.

Be honest

Often parents, without noticing it themselves, teach their child lies when they contradict each other on certain issues. Lies and deceit included in everyday life will be the main scheme for building relationships with other people. How to wean a child to lie (we recommend reading:)? The main rule for parents is to never lie to yourself, because you are a role model. Reward your child for telling the truth, especially if it wasn't easy to do so. Be sensitive and attentive, often discuss what is good and what is bad. Analyze possible solutions to the problem. Honesty and kindness are the key to strong relationships between generations.

Clinical and perinatal psychologist, graduated from the Moscow Institute of Perinatal and Reproductive Psychology and Volgograd State Medical University with a degree in Clinical Psychology

Honesty in parent-child relationship- something that many moms and dads aspire to. It is not surprising that they are severely disappointed when the child suddenly begins to lie, dodge and shield himself in every possible way. It should be noted right away that deception in childhood can be entertaining, but most often this phenomenon indicates serious problems in family relationships and means that the baby needs support. So, what to do if a child is lying, and what are the sources of childish dishonesty?

Every child learns to lie sooner or later. That is, it can be argued that everyone lies, but insecure children are much more likely than others. For example, a preschooler or teenager may lie to avoid punishment or to assert themselves. And every case that hides a childish deceit requires special attention and study.

There are a lot of factors that make a child lie to parents or peers. American psychotherapist Lawrence Kutner, whose main specialization is the psychology of children, identified the main reasons that encourage kids and adolescents to cheat.

Fear of punishment

The most common reason why children lie is fear of punishment. This is especially true for those kids who are brought up in excessive severity or who are subject to excessive demands.

A simple example: a child breaks a cup and tries to hide the pieces so that adults do not establish the fact of a “crime”. If pieces of glass are found, the baby either refuses or shifts the blame to a brother or pet.

This behavior is a way to adapt to parental authoritarianism, avoid punishment, and further meet unrealistic expectations. Agree, a 5-year-old child is not yet so dexterous as to clean and wash dishes without problems and “accidents”.

Low self-esteem

The psychology of children is such that recognition from their comrades is vital for them. That is why a child can say that his dad is a super agent, and he himself met with some famous person. Rare cases of such deception are not considered pathological, since children tend to show off.

Another thing is when a child constantly lies, either exaggerating the family income, or talking about his imaginary achievements. This may indicate a serious dissatisfaction with oneself. Parents should find out, perhaps he feels his own uselessness, or classmates mock him.

Riot

For many teenagers, cheating means going against various prohibitions, lowering parental authority. A rebellious child passionately strives for independence and often does not tolerate adult intervention in his personal life.

Read also: How to teach a child to make friends through games

Hence the increase in cases of lies or silence. Adolescents are silent, deny obvious facts, begin to shield their peers, especially since in this case, spending time in the company of friends becomes more interesting than family gatherings.

Expansion of the boundaries of what is acceptable

Another reason why children lie to their parents is again related to growing up. The child needs to create his own space, to feel like an independent person, but these natural desires collide with parental control and misunderstanding of children's problems.

As a result, a conflict arises: the more often adults resort to their authority, trying to control the actions of the child, the more often he lies, dodges or keeps silent. Some children, in an effort to defend personal boundaries, also begin to be rude.

Family problems

If a child lies constantly, often and completely out of place, perhaps a crisis is brewing in the family. Often, in this case, theft and damage to property are added to the deception. Such signals cannot be ignored as the child desperately needs support.

According to the observations of Lawrence Kutner, such actions are typical for children whose parents are getting divorced. Obvious lies, theft, vandalism - this is sometimes the only way to unite adults, even if they set them against themselves.

We would note a couple more weighty reasons for children's deception. First of all, this is a personal example of parents. If the older generation regularly resorts to lies (even if for good), the child can adopt this way of coexistence with loved ones.

Another reason why a child lies is related to the development of imagination and fantasy. Probably, little dreamers are the most pleasant of all liars. In addition, such a deception is for the benefit of the baby himself, as it develops thought processes and intelligence. This rule applies if the fantasies do not take on a completely pathological character.

Signs of childish lies

So, we figured out the reasons for children's dishonesty, it remains to answer another burning question: how to understand that a child is lying? Psychology comes to the rescue again, only now body-oriented. Experts suggest noting several characteristic symptoms that indicate deception.

1. Posture static. Subconsciously preparing for a possible conflict, the liar, as it were, freezes in place, does not fidget and tense up. If a little fidget suddenly becomes “static” when explaining his behavior, he is clearly hiding something.
2. Involuntary hand gestures. A little liar can turn a pen or paper in his palms, wind a strand of hair around his finger, scratch his nose, pull a button. However, it is important to remember that such actions are also inherent in anxious children.
3. Head tilt. You can see exactly how the child will react to the most direct question. Does your little interlocutor tilt his head back or to the side? Most likely, he wants to deceive you or just hide part of the truth.
4. Mouth touch. If a child in the course of a conversation constantly brings his hand to his throat or mouth, as if covering them, he is clearly nervous and tries, as it were, to exclude the “breakthrough” of truthful words outward. Such actions are one of the most telling signs of deception.
5. Thinking. The child's psyche is arranged in such a way that impulsivity manifests itself in almost all moments. But if the child pauses before answering (coughs, asks for a cup of tea, straightens his clothes), most likely he wants to buy time to think about lies.
6. "Hide and Seek". If you lie, you try to "hide" behind a computer or a book. The child also tends to isolate himself from the interlocutor, for example, he can pick up his favorite teddy bear, phone or tablet.

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Let's not forget about the eyes. If the child tries to look away, you should be alert. However, the most "professional" deceivers, on the contrary, impose eye contact, wanting to avert suspicion. At the same time, little liars try not to blink.

How to wean a child to lie

Many studies have been devoted to children's lies, as an interesting and widespread psychological phenomenon. However, it was not possible to find the only correct solution to this problem, since each case is individual. And yet, we have highlighted the advice of a psychologist that can help parents choose the most appropriate method of dealing with lies.

• Find the reason why the child is lying to you. This is the first step to solving the problem, since establishing the motive will tell you how to proceed. A simple example: if a kid is lying to assert himself, it will be enough to give him the opportunity to reveal his strengths.
• Start with yourself. We often understand the problem this way: an adult lie is a justified action, but a child’s lie is a terrible and irreparable act. However, in order to teach a child honesty, you yourself need to behave truthfully - both in relation to him and in relation to others.
• Avoid harsh punishment. Of course, physical measures of influence should be excluded altogether. You should also abandon excessively severe punishment, for example, for a slight offense, you can deprive a child of entertainment for a day, etc. The ideal option is to learn how to negotiate with children.
• Communicate more with your child. This method works best with preschoolers, because babies are genuinely attached to moms and dads. However, teenagers will also not mind discussing matters with their parents if they talk about topics that are interesting to everyone. However, do not go to the other extreme - overprotectiveness.
• Don't expect too much from your child. Your child will continue to lie if he realizes that he does not meet the requirements you put forward. Let him not grow up as a great musician or artist, but he will be able to reveal other talents. Let him express his own uniqueness.
• Talk about your feelings. The conversation might be: “I understand that your deceit was dictated by a desire to spare my feelings, but the lie, on the contrary, upset me very much.” Thus, the parent shows support for the child, but asks to continue to be honest. Just do not need to turn a conversation about emotions into a way to manipulate a child.
• Offer to evaluate the consequences. For example, a student constantly “falls ill” before a responsible dictation or test. In this case, you can call a doctor to simultaneously make sure that there are no health problems and show what deception of other people is fraught with.