I cheated on my wife and now I don't want her. "I made a terrible mistake - went on a spree
Yes, to be honest, it was. Changed. But what can you do, sometimes you want to remember the old days - your wild youth - and go out into the field. Although this time I did not have to go out into the field. It was enough just to go to work.
So, my wife left for a two-week business trip. And I decided to get to know the girl Anya better. She is 21 years old - the best age. She is a part-time student at the institute. And on the eve of the summer, she, like many students, had to write a term paper. And I, like a true gentleman, volunteered to help her in this difficult matter.
But to be frank, I did not hide the fact that the term paper is only a pretext for our meetings. I did not hide the fact that I like Anya, and I do not mind sleeping with her. But it didn't work out right from the start. We came to me, discussed the term paper, I explained something to her, casually hugged her by the waist ... But when I wanted to kiss her, she tightly pressed her lips, and no kiss came of it. No, we could talk to her about sex, I touched her body, it even seemed to me that she didn’t mind sleeping with me. But she didn't want to kiss. And all the time she repeated that she would not sleep with me, because I was married, and she was not like that ... But she did not refuse my help in terms of coursework.
Soon this situation began to irritate me. My wife was supposed to return in 10 days, and I still haven't slept with Anya. On kisses, I decided to score. It was necessary to move on to more drastic methods. From my personal experience I remembered that in order to speed up the process of seduction, you need to put a member in the girl's hand.
In the days when I made this decision, Anya suggested that I go with her for the company of her friend's birthday. I agreed, of course.
Birthday in fact turned out to be the usual student party with a sea of beer and stupid games for a drunk head. Finally, tired of this atmosphere of a carbon monoxide holiday (I am no longer 20 years old), I suggested that Anya go out onto the balcony and get some air. She nodded, and we, maneuvering between tipsy youth, went out onto the balcony.
I hugged Anya from behind, began to kiss her neck, caress her breasts. When my cock had grown significantly in size, I gently placed her hands on it and began to move my hips. She did not remove her hands. And soon she began to rub herself against me. In short, we were excited to the limit.
Let's get out of here, I suggested.
But what about Julia, - that was the name of her girlfriend, - she may be offended that we left so early.
I think they won't even notice, - I chuckled and nodded to her in the direction of the merry company.
Half an hour later we were at my house. Without shelving the body, we headed to the bedroom. She still tried to say something about my wife, but I tactfully interrupted her speech with a kiss. She no longer pinched her lips ...
The next week seemed like a honeymoon to me. Every night she spent with me ... in bed.
But the week is over. The wife is back. I told Anya that we need to break up. Because I honestly love my wife. A pickup truck is just a tribute to the past.
Losing a loved one is easy, but returning an emotional connection or finding an equally strong new one is not an easy task. Perhaps you should not be heroic and try to deal with a problem that seems unsolvable to you. We offer you professional help from psychologists from the Center for Successful Relationships. You send us your story, and we publish it with expert comments. In order for us to better understand the essence of the problem, please send the most detailed (of course, as far as it is appropriate for you personally) stories. And we will do our best to bring good mood, harmony and peace back to your home. Anonymity of letters is guaranteed.
We are waiting for your letters at [email protected] To prevent your letter from getting lost, please indicate "My Story" in the subject line of the letter.
Today we are publishing a letter from a reader who made a mistake and lost his family, but realized that he wanted to return his relationship with his wife. Is it possible?
My wife and I have been married for almost 15 years, 13 of them are quite happy. After 7 years of marriage, children appeared, very desired and long-awaited, we moved to a new home, live and be happy. But problems were hidden behind external well-being, constant irritation began to appear, alienation grew. And, alas, I chose the worst of the options: I went left, got into a very difficult relationship. To infidelity was added a huge amount of dirt. My wife endured this for a very long time, I left, returned, continued the relationship, trying to hide it. In the end, the wife could not stand it and filed for divorce. So, almost 2 years ago, a divorce stamp appeared, which I really did not want, despite the fact that it was a logical ending. But nevertheless, I spent and spend a lot of time with my children, I see them almost every day, I regularly pay alimony, I left the apartment, having moved to my parents'. And I tried to start a new life, relationships appeared, but in the end I ran away, hurting those from whom I was running away. The last such relationship lasted about a year, even some plans were made for the future, but recently I realized that the girl did not succeed in replacing my ex-wife, that I think that someday I will return to her.
It should be noted that ex-wife the gap has not survived yet. The children and she still suffer that she cannot forgive what I did: at the same time she slips from time to time - maybe someday it will pass and we, again, maybe reunite. I understand that this is an element of manipulation, but I try to be loyal to her attacks.
After the last break, there was an emptiness. I crossed out the new that began to appear with the person who fell in love with me with all my such circumstances, and I have no idea what to do with the old one, whether something is possible there. At least due to the fact that the ex-wife does not understand: in addition to what served as a natural reason for the divorce, there were obvious prerequisites for this, for which we are already responsible together. But when it comes to this, the conversation ends with the fact that we are supposedly divorced, live and be glad that you got rid of a bad wife.
I don’t want to start another new relationship, and I got another guilt complex from the ones that just ended, so I’m even afraid. And I don't know what to do.
Oksana Blank, practicing psychologist at the Center for Successful Relationships:
Are you able to live in the present? To enjoy what happens to you? Or are you often looking for something better?
You already see this scenario for yourself - the destruction of relationships occurs in almost the same way, you devalue what is happening to you at the current moment. You try to return to the past or hope for the future, and the present becomes something insignificant.
Is it possible that a relationship for you is a way to escape from yourself, from your own experiences? Even when you say "tried to start a new life", it turns out that you mean "a new relationship appeared."
Will you find a woman like your wife, will the same relationship appear - most likely not. And from what you are saying, it also becomes clear that there will most likely not be a restoration of your past family, at least as long as there are so many unresolved issues.
Legally, your divorce happened, but the emotional break did not. With your ex-wife, you continue to live in the past, express claims to each other, remember something, work out mutual feelings. And it seems that you continue to resolve emerging issues as spouses, and not as parents.
And it is very important for you to be in this connection. It probably didn't take long to really get to grips with it.
But it is this situation that does not allow you to move on, because there is always a comparison with something in the past, a refraction of the situation through what once was, fantasies. As a rule, in this case, a person feels emptiness, loss of time, hopelessness, apathy, lack of energy, development. This leads to the fact that a person is dissatisfied with himself.
The optimal path for you now is not to start a new relationship. Until you figure out what you want to achieve, until you build relationships with your ex-wife so that they do not bring experiences, most likely, your new relationship will develop according to the same scenario, which will only increase your guilt complex, you will again it will feel like you are using someone.
Any breakup is a loss, and loss is something that needs to be experienced, you need to deal with it. I definitely recommend contacting a specialist, because it is difficult to cope with the loss on your own. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, sometimes everything is so confused that there is no way out, and at the same time everything seems unambiguous, you give one-sided assessments. For example, you give yourself an unequivocal assessment of the "destroyer", but you are not the only one to blame for the fact that your relationship is being destroyed.
Try to find support not in a relationship. Now they will not bring positive into your life.
Look for resources in your career, in your favorite hobbies, in communication with children. Look for those resources that will help you feel the value of the present, and not live in the future.
When only through another person you can find the fullness of life, it is very difficult to achieve something real.
Oksana Blank, psychologist
Center for Successful Relationships (Psycenter.by)
Photo from the Internet
I managed to move away and calm down after several dozen betrayals of my already unloved wife in nine months. It took another three months to somehow bring together all the methods of getting rid of the emotions and feelings associated with betrayal.
There was trust between us
She did not saw me when I joked with female colleagues at work, returned from fishing a day after the appointed time. So I didn’t get driven when her boss or just an acquaintance kissed her hand in my presence, didn’t forbid her to dress beautifully and sexy, allowed her to hang out in the company of her friends, among whom, it is important to note, were both girls and guys. All the guys they've been with since high school.
Instead of engaging in mutual torture with jealousy and enduring the brain because of the slightest thought that someone could become the third in our pair, we were just an ideal couple - walking, watching movies, reading, discussing books and all sorts of modern news. We talked, talked about the meaning of life and the essence of love. In short, everything that happened later just killed me with its improbability, the savagery of the situation and terrible cynicism.
Honestly? I wanted to kill.
The fact that she has been cheating on me for two years now, I could not even think and did not imagine it even in the most terrible fantasy. But a fact is a fact. The first friend who expressed his timid “You know ...”, I stuffed the face, broke off relations with the second. After the third person told me one clear fact, I thought.
I made up with the guys, said that I was furious at such statements, asked to tell more. They agreed to forgive me - this is a plus of male friendship.
What I learned next is beyond description. She cheated on me for two years, which for me were filled with love and the most sincere human relationships. The number of partners with whom she managed to twist and break is difficult to calculate. I am aware of 17 cases. It is strange that this did not surface earlier, but the facts are reliable. The now ex-wife confirmed this to me - she simply said that she did not want me to know everything, she said that she loved me, she said that she was good and comfortable in all respects. In every way, you understand? And she did not say a word about the reasons for the betrayal.
And, to be honest, I wanted to kill - just to pay for a cynical act, first with her, then with most of her partners. And then go to jail. I think they would understand me. True, I never decided to do this. Still, the main thing in life is a cold mind and a sober calculation.
I just kicked her out. From the apartment, from the passport and from the finger of the right hand. Kicked out of my life. And then the nights after the divorce came and I didn't know how to get through it all.
The key is trust
The first point is to erase the memory of living together. I cleared the apartment of everything that was acquired together and reminded of her: I bought new dishes (to hell with those cute bowls with the inscriptions “He” and “She”), took pictures, changed the carpet she chose, repainted the bathroom. Excellent. Now - photos, videos and other scraps of memory. Joint photos, cute pictures on the wall and, most importantly, correspondence. Don't be afraid and click "Delete" - send several kilometers of tiny messages to the Internet's sump.
Made. It seems to be everything - now instead of love, which suddenly became hatred, an empty hole gapes in the heart and head. It happens when after the holiday you can’t remember the last two days, but you realize that you did something wrong.
Meet your best friend or at least your best friend - talk about the situation, speak out to the fullest, open up and empty all the dirt and pain that has accumulated in your soul. It's good if it's a friend who knows you from kindergarten, school or army. It’s better not to tell women - in this case there are too many variables in the equation and no one knows what such a frank conversation will lead to.
The most important thing is not to drown sorrow in alcohol. Drinking that lasts more than one evening will not change anything at all, and a whole piece of the remainder happy life with the traitor expelled from her, she will be remembered as a hangover.
When left alone
When I was left alone, I saw that almost all ways to relax, have fun, or, conversely, engage in self-development, were invented for single men. Seriously - gyms, foreign language courses, stadiums, a thicket of the forest where you can calmly walk and think about your own. Even a camera viewfinder and books on financial literacy and male etiquette are all for singles. And I took advantage of this, deciding to become much better than I was. It is clear that I did not forget about the breakup for a second, but it gave me a serious impetus to become better, to work on myself.
As a result, after six months, my already satisfactory salary doubled, my English allowed me to communicate with the girls in Thailand so that we both understood where everything was going, and life acquired a clear schedule and a clear goal.
Women will still
Just don't worry, guys, if your girlfriend turned out to be "suddenly." There is no need to deny love - that same woman will happen to you again. It is like the movement of a train when you think that you have already arrived at the depot, but, in fact, you just stopped at a half-station. A destination with a warm hearth and truly loving eyes will still be opposite. Just do not raise your hand to a woman - it is not worth it under any circumstances.
What to do if you cheated on your wife
Cheating in a relationship
What to do if you cheated on your wife
You love your wife or girlfriend, but you are completely confused in the relationship. Remember that losing the love of your life is one of the hardest blows you can ever get. Especially when you know that only you are to blame.
But, nevertheless, there is always a way out, even from such a difficult situation. It is worth adhering to a number of principles, and then, perhaps, your wife will forgive you for treason. Why is it possible? Because not everyone can forgive betrayal.
Be honest with your wife. When your wife finds out about the infidelity, you need to be clear and consistent. No need to get confused in your words, no need to come up with some additional facts every time. Ideally, you yourself should tell her this, and not someone else. There should be only one story, no more and no less. Don't blame your wife, even if she's wrong. You made a mistake, and it doesn't matter what it is: betrayal or unwillingness to solve problems with your wife. Trust can only be restored with the truth, even if it is not so easy to speak.
Apologize to her. Say you're sorry and ask for forgiveness. So get ready for the fact that this will not be the most pleasant and welcoming reception in your life. But this is the most logical step in this situation.
It is also possible to close and be proud if all the power and financial resources are in your hands. But then there is the possibility of a nervous breakdown of your wife from hopelessness. It is also worth noting that if this is not the first betrayal, then either the wife does not care about you, or she will never forgive you.
Get rid of your mistress. If you haven't done it yet, then do it right now. All your truth, apologies, honest eyes and gifts will turn into an empty place if your half sees a couple of SMS messages from another woman. Yes, this step looks obvious, but, unfortunately, many men forget about it. Be smart, do it right now. But do not forget that not only the wife has feelings, but also the mistress. She can harm your relationship with your wife in every possible way. Get ready for it.
Communication. Your wife is unlikely to be as nice to communicate with you as before. So if you want to return a good disposition to yourself, you will have to sacrifice your interests and become more loyal.
If she wants to get access to mail and passwords, then show her this. If she wants you to come home after work, then you will have to come. However, there is one addition. Never agree to show your wife your mistress. If the mistress is slimmer, taller, more voluminous than your wife, then comparisons and reproaches will follow. And phrases like: "It's because I'm fuller ..." will haunt you for a very long time.
Get ready. Your wife will be very hurt. There is not a single person who would not worry about the betrayal of his spouse. So if she wants a big cake at three in the morning, then buy her this cake. If she wants to be alone, then you need to give her space. If, on the contrary, she wants to control and see you, then do everything possible that depends on you. Show how willing you are to change. Remember, although you do not say that the wife is to blame for everything, she will think so anyway. She needs your support.
Fight for your happiness. Yes, you cheated on your wife, you made a mistake, a big mistake. But if you are sure that your love is mutual, then you can return a good relationship. You can recall the happy moments in your life. Give her favorite flowers. Become a little romantic and that energetic guy she fell in love with. But know the measure, confidence and despair are always there, and their border is invisible.
Tips:
- You don't need to shield yourself. Remember that you must ask for forgiveness, and not explain "coincidence" and "arrangement of the stars."
- Her friends will be against you. And their every word will call for divorce and separation. But you don't have to argue with them. Just let your wife know that you know it. And you understand their position. Nothing more.
- The mood of the girls changes quickly. Therefore, take the time to wait out her angry impulses. Behind them will always be compassion and understanding.
- If they don't want to talk to you, give her time to think. If she loves you, then sooner or later she will give you a second chance.
Additionally:
Reconciliation will take a long time. Be prepared for the fact that until the end of her days she will remember this. But over time, the bad is forgotten, and only the good remains. So patience and more patience.
If you are sure that you have enough strength to keep it inside, and your wife will never know about the betrayal. It makes sense to hide it from his wife. Mental anguish will sooner or later leave you, and your wife will be saved from unnecessary depression. This is a lie, but this is what saves many marriages.
This will help:
WIFE CHANGED HOW TO RETURN: forgive and return
Imagine that the phone suddenly rings. You look at the phone and see that your wife is calling. You are absolutely calm and confident. You know in advance what she wants to tell you. You know she wants to get back to you. She admitted her mistake and regrets what happened. You have already forgiven her. You're glad she wants to be with you again. And this is not a joke, you can really achieve this!
Short description
Having conducted hundreds of men's consultations on the topic of female infidelity, we realized that most men want to forgive their wife, forget the pain of infidelity and improve family relationships. But often this cannot be achieved, as anger interferes with sound reasoning. The wife decides to leave and go to another man.
And we'll be honest, cheating changes men. She makes some insecure, weak and emotionally unstable, while others, on the contrary, she makes them change their lives for the better.
And we know for sure that women do not return to those who become weak, broken and embittered. Women return only to those who show strength and self-confidence. And this book will help you become just that strong and confident. You can get your wife back and start a new life with her.
Wife after treason can be returned! Change can be forgiven! It is possible to restore happiness in marriages! You can do it!
Need to act right now
After parting with his wife, many men panic and begin to take chaotic actions. Someone fills up with gifts, someone kneels and begs to return, someone begins to threaten his wife and blackmail with children, and someone even sits down on a glass.
All these actions only worsen the situation and every minute reduce the chances of getting his wife back. However, if you follow our instructions, you will not only be able to get your wife back, but also establish a strong relationship with her. She will want you again, she will call you her man again, she will no longer think about other men.
Therefore, do not waste your time on useless activities. Take our instructions and act on it. So you can get your wife back with a 100% guarantee. It really works!
So what's the point
The return of a woman is achieved by new emotions and sensations that she receives from her "old" man. But in order to achieve these emotions in such a difficult situation, you need to apply methods that seem illogical and wrong at first glance. In our book, we describe these methods and explain why they work.
Your task will be to strictly follow these methods. And so you can bring your wife to the right emotions, and she will want you again. Everything is very simple!
P.s. Did you change it yourself? Order - we will help
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Why am I cheating on my wife.
I always know where my wife is.
I always know how much time I have for intrigue.
I always have a well-thought-out explanation of where I am and with whom.
Before that part of the intrigue, when I can’t pick up the phone, I myself call my wife and ask how she is doing. After that, I wait 5-10 minutes, in case she remembers something she forgot to tell me and calls back.
My secretary answers my wife's call that I'm out and calls me back. I call my wife myself and say that I was leaving.
The women I date know about my married status and treat it with understanding. Even if before that they said that they were categorically against dating a married man. Women with claims for something else are not considered initially (this can be seen immediately).
I am very careful, because my family well-being is on the scales. Therefore, I do not have adventures on a drunken head. Firstly, this is bestiality, and secondly, it interferes with the work of the brain. I always accurately calculate my next step. I look back to see if I forgot something, didn't overlook something. I am very picky, I carefully examine myself, clothes, car, pay attention to smells.
I can't change. I can't just sit at home in front of my wife. I'm bored and bland this life. And I don't trust men who live all their lives with one woman and don't cheat on her, or at least don't dream of doing it.
Perhaps someone will think, why did I get married at all? I would live in peace and meet with whom I wanted. But no, why did you get married? I don't know, I can't explain clearly. Tried. There was even a period when every day of the week there was a new woman, with a weekend break. But you get tired of it and it ceases to bring pleasure and satisfaction. There is apathy and fatigue.
In married status, the opposite is true. There is no need for a constantly large number of women. But those moments that you manage to "steal" from a family and spend them on another - they are valued a thousand times more, the sensations are a thousand times brighter. Apparently adrenaline adds sharpness to emotions.
With all this, I really love my wife. My wife is the person I'm really going to live with for the rest of my life. A wife is a beloved partner, the closest like-minded person. My wife is something that I cannot lose.
But cheating is something that prevents me from turning into an ordinary boring husband, with whom you sleep under different blankets, who can fall asleep without you, with whom you can visit mutual friends and who does not have any sparks in his eyes and new ones. ideas. In the gait of which a predatory beast is not felt and on which women do not turn around.
A man who does not cheat is not normal. Try to convince me of this.
